A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife

stayed home.

He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:

"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife

merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please

allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman

He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out

their

school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to

school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the

cleaners and stopped at

the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to

put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the cheque book. He

cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1

P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and

sweep and mop the kitchen floor.

Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them

on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to

do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he

did the ironing.

At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad,

breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.

After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded

laundry,

bathed the kids, and put them to bed.

At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't

finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he

managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said:

Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's

being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: "My son, I feel you have

learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way

they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got

pregnant last night."

Nine Months Later......"

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered he door if they could spend the night.

"I realize its terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house"

The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

"Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?"

"Yes, I do." said Bob

"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"

"I have to admit that I did."

"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"

Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did." Why do you ask?"

"She just died and left me everything."

(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?............. now keep that smile for the rest of the day.)

This is one of the best comeback lines of all time.

It is a portion of National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US

Marine Corps

General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his

military installation.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach

these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and

shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the

rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous

activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle

discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL REINWALD: Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but

you're not one, are you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended.

for all those Eighteen Years perhaps! It truly was so

Have I ever told you
that when I watch you speak to me
through lines and cords,
and bytes and ram,
I imagine
your voice,
whispering into my ear?

Have I ever told you
that I wait out each day
in anticipation,
wanting
only an hour or two,
just a second in space and time,
to feel close to you?

Have I ever told you
that there has been times,
when I ached for you,
ached for you so badly,
that the emotions overwhelmed me..
and so I sat and cried?

Have I ever told you
that sometimes,
I will reach out,
touching your name
on this cold screen before me,
wishing
I could reach in
and pull you to me?

Have I ever told you
that after the first time I heard
the sound of your voice,
thousands of miles away,
I sat up all night,
turning the conversation over and over
in my mind,
examining it,
like some newly discovered species of flower?

Have I ever told you
that I dream of you often,
I dream of you reaching out
and touching my hand,
simply to let me know
that you are there,
and everything is okay?

Have I ever told you,
have I still yet to tell you . . .
that I love you?